from Palm Sunday to Easter

I speak at our local Wesley foundation quite often. I have always been so nervous! But, lately God has really blessed my heart with messages that can only be from Him.  

The last time I spoke, I amazed myself. I spoke on the importance of Palm Sunday and the Holy Week experience. We look at the crowds as the welcome in Jesus, and then how they cry for his Crucifixion. Isn't it intriguing how we can change so quickly?!

An author, I wish I could remember her name, talked about the fire we have for God on Sunday morning and how we deny his existence by the middle of the week. By not praying, by not rejoicing in God, we are denying His existence. We become the Friday crowd instead of the welcome committee of Palm Sunday. We fail at being Christians. Which is why I am so thankful for Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

I hope that I can learn from Palm Sunday and the Holy Week that I need to be aware of denying God throughout my week. To wave my Palm daily. To welcome God in every morning.  May we be resurrected with God this Easter!

Happy Easter from us!

to know His voice

So me and the Mr. met online. We chatted over the internet and telephone for months before we finally met.

I was thinking about talking with God and how just talking with R for many months wooed me. I can remember the waiting to see the message pop up on Eharmony. Wondering what his voice would sound like. Then, the first time we spoke, and the many times after that, I began to know it was him just by the sound of his voice. On our first face to face date, I got to see the face that went with the voice. What an experience!

To learn about someone, get to know them from writings, then talking and finally growing into a relationship.

This started me thinking about God. We always ask, "how do I know it's God???" 

Well, we get to know Him.

We start with His writing. We can debate till be are blue in the face if the Bible is complete, if it is correct transalation, and what not. I believe God is above all of that. Next, we can just start talking. I remember not knowing what to say to R and how the conversation became easier in time. Sometimes we just sat there in silence. This is how it will develop with God, too. God created relationships and this is all He wants with us as well.  The more you talk, the better you know His voice and if it is Him talking to you. And, just like silence is sometimes comforting with those we love, it is ok with God,too. Just enjoy your time with Him. And  even if someone sounds like my husband, I would know it wasn't him if they were telling me things completely out of character for him.

We will know.

The best part is seeing Him. We see Him when we finally can recognize Him. Then you will see him everywhere. You will know what to expect. Will we all go through this process at the same time? In the same manner?

 No.

It is our personal relationship with Him. and His with us. Take time. Get to know Him and you will know.

Decisions

We are still struggling with decisions in this house. I am a people pleaser and have created a child just like me. T is struggling with the decision to quit. While I am glad that he is thinking about it, it is mainly because he feels the need to please everyone. I talked to him about knowing what you want. My coffee cup teaches me this every morning... it is a Life is Good mug stating "Do you what you like, Like what you do." 

He was asking me, "How do I know what I want to do?" 

My words even spoke to my heart - if you want something, you know it. Don't hemhaw around and wonder if all you are doing are trying to figure out how to please everyone else.

Really????  How can I say this when I didn't even know this?! I have been struggling with the SAME issue. It is like God came down and spoke to both of us. Right when we needed it.

We know. Our hears are usually right. God lives there. I just choose not to listen to it most of the time. I try to please everyone else but God. Our Sunday School lesson talked about finding your starfish. We all have one. If you don't know who Rob Bell is or the NOOMA video series, find out. Listen. Be transformed.  I am tired of holding all the little pieces of shells, seeing the starfish God has for me, and not being able to grab a hold and reap the blessings.

http://nooma.com

Now is the time to know. To be aware of what your conscience is telling you. To wait for your starfish. Even if you are 11 (or 32 years) of age.

raising young men

We have entered the world of raising young men and have said good bye (atleast with the oldest) to little boy games. My oldest has started the preteen attitude and has lost the ability to show respect to anyone in his world.
 I became a mom mission.
 I was not going to have "those kids" anymore. I was brought a sharp does of reality while getting M's 3 month old pictures and T and t were the most whiney, misbehaving children EVER. The photographer actually asked me to come back without them.
 WOW.
We were the family you whisper about when they walk off, "that poor mom, what hapened to discipline in that home, how does she do THAT."   Well, no more. I next captured a glimpse into the way my son views me and my "discipline" technique.  T did the usual, " I am sorry for my behavior" in his well practiced monotone voice while staring out the window. When, in my exasperated voice, yelled, "really? REALLY? then WHY do we have to say sorry every.single.time. we go somewhere??!! If you were sorry, you would change your behavior!" He laughed.
HE LAUGHED.
 I think my head spun around. When did we get here? When did I lose the scare tactic with my children. When did I become a joke? I was heart broken. I was flabergasted. And I realized it was time for a change. I also realized what God must feel like having me as a child. I can look back and see many times that, unfortunetly, I laughed at God as He scolded me. Probably begging in His heart for me to just see it His way. I am sorry, God. I get it now.

So, He is grounded to his family. I must watch my words. I do not want to tear him to pieces (not any more atleast) and I want to lead by example. So, starts the hardest job ever of minute by minute reconstruction of a family.

With quitting Gymnastics, his household responsibilities have gone up. He is also allowed to play and play outside, but not able to go anywhere. I am not able to trust his behavior yet. And no kids inside. We are hoping to use priveleges as rewards as he improves his behavior. We do not believe in paying an allowance. A household has to work together and we do not get paid for this. We earn money by working outside of the home. We can learn to save our money through working in the home by making things ourselves and doing our own household maintenance.  If we lived on a farm or had a home based business, this would be different.  I could see sharing a pay scale if it was a money making venture.

Well, my reward came yesterday. We had a long day out with friends in my husband's hometown. I know it was not the most fun a kid could have, but my children did GREAT!.  I am so happy and so proud of them and their progress. I am going to reward them on Friday with some xbox time.

I know they will not be perfect. But I would like them to learn manners, respect for elders, and how to function in a family and run a home. I do not want to raise boys that are dependent on a woman. But that the girl they fall in love with will become a welcome partner in raising a family and running a household.  I want people to see the heart of my kids and enjoy their company.

Happy Monday to you, friend. May we have the energy to get through the week!

When Kids Quit

I became THAT mom last night. My oldest son quit gymnastics and my heart broke. I wanted so badly for him to do well and have a "thing" that he did. He could be so good! I love watching him and love watching him succeed. He allows fear and the success of others to get him down. I didn't want to talk to him at first. I cried. I put my own selfish desires ahead of his feelings.

Maybe this is what he needs.......

He was very torn about what to do. I made him make the decision on his own. He has struggled with it since the minute he made it. But, as I told him, this is part of becoming a young man. Decisions have to made about what you want. I also made him tell my husband and he will have to tell the grandparents. He had to tell his coach as well.  When he was asked why, he gave a rude "i JUST don't want to!". The biggest part of this for us, as parents, is his behavior and how he quit. So, along with this, if he cannot come up with a better reason to quit, he must pay back some of the money we invested. We just purchased ANOTHER uniform last week. We have paid well into the thousands this year for him to be able to do this. He begged to go back (yes, we have been through this before). I feel I should have pushed him to stay the first time. I would push harder this time, but he is rude and disrepectful of his coach and the other gymnasts when he will not do the skill (or even try) and says he just doesn't care.

I dream of everthing in my world nightly.  I keep thinking of him being the oldest child, the leader at gymnastics, and so many other things that may seem overwhelming for him.  I think we are going to do some bible studies on fear and leadership. We will look into some good books on leadership. He panics when it is time to step up. I do want him to struggle with this fear and miss out all that life can offer.

My heart is broken, I am dissapointed in him.

 I hope he learns something through all of this.

 I hope I learn something, too.

the government is only what we make of it

“Make Jesus, your Lord, proud of you by being good citizens. Respect the authorities, whatever their level; they are God's emissaries for keeping order. It is God's will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of fools... Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Revere God. Respect the government.” 1 Peter 2:13-17 (The Message Translation)

I am at my wits end with Christians that are rude and hateful towards our President. It does not matter wether you agree with him there or not, wether you helped put him there or not. We are called as Christians to respect our governmental officials and to believe that God is in control of even our government.

We are to respect the Government.

We are to treat everyone with respect.

We are God's people.

I believe in using your right to vote to make changes. I believe in the right to petition. I believe in proper debate.

I also believe in uprising.

How?

By being so passionate and factual about your beliefs and desires that you create an uprising that ends with the turn over by vote. We live in a democracy.

We created the government we live in.

I think most people want to sit around and complain and blame someone else.I have not had anyone bring a factual or passionate cry out for government change. There is no one knocking at my door with facts or asking me to vote a certain way.

I will not listen after someone starts with rude name calling about a government official. I will listen to factual arguements against policy and/or politician.

I am so fed up with the election process and we still have a while to go. It is something that I hope I can speak up against someday.

Today is not the season for that.

I have to trust that a measly one vote counts.

I have to believe that my God is bigger than the Government. :)

Hi!

I kind of fell off the face of the earth. I am back. I had to kind of hide out in prayer for a bit. Living in the land of unemployment ate me up a bit. I am happy to say that my husband is working again!!!!!  I am doing MUCH better with this and have been putting my thoughts back together. I am ready to enter the blog world again. I have missed writing, but just getting out of bed and working was a bit much for me.

I have my favorite part of the year coming up - Holy Week. I hope to blog everyday next week. I actually have a lot of blog posts I am ready to put out there. There was a time in my life that I cherished being a controversial subject. I have become a meek, easily hurt, girl. I am need to grab a hold of the confidence of learning, my stronghold in my faith, and go for it. I hope to spark conversation, maybe help others feel accepted or help them question their beliefs. It is good for us to ask questions. It is possible to have discussions with out hateful words.  It is possible to read someone's opinion without agreeing. It is possible to bring around change with out tearing people apart.

One of the saddest realizations I have had as I grow, some people just have to be left behind. I have always tried to pull everyone I have ever been close to along with me where ever I am going. I am realizing that not everyone grows with you. Does this mean that we don't like them anymore? no.....Does it mean it is a permanent separation? no......It means that that season of life is over and it is time to move on.

So, that brings me back around full circle. It is time for this season of my life. I am no longer meek, easily hurt. I am a strong, still growing, still learning woman. I will embrace this time.

(ROAR!!  hehehe)

 I will blog about this time.

My life as a wife, mother of 3 with 2 dogs. :)