raising young men

We have entered the world of raising young men and have said good bye (atleast with the oldest) to little boy games. My oldest has started the preteen attitude and has lost the ability to show respect to anyone in his world.
 I became a mom mission.
 I was not going to have "those kids" anymore. I was brought a sharp does of reality while getting M's 3 month old pictures and T and t were the most whiney, misbehaving children EVER. The photographer actually asked me to come back without them.
 WOW.
We were the family you whisper about when they walk off, "that poor mom, what hapened to discipline in that home, how does she do THAT."   Well, no more. I next captured a glimpse into the way my son views me and my "discipline" technique.  T did the usual, " I am sorry for my behavior" in his well practiced monotone voice while staring out the window. When, in my exasperated voice, yelled, "really? REALLY? then WHY do we have to say sorry every.single.time. we go somewhere??!! If you were sorry, you would change your behavior!" He laughed.
HE LAUGHED.
 I think my head spun around. When did we get here? When did I lose the scare tactic with my children. When did I become a joke? I was heart broken. I was flabergasted. And I realized it was time for a change. I also realized what God must feel like having me as a child. I can look back and see many times that, unfortunetly, I laughed at God as He scolded me. Probably begging in His heart for me to just see it His way. I am sorry, God. I get it now.

So, He is grounded to his family. I must watch my words. I do not want to tear him to pieces (not any more atleast) and I want to lead by example. So, starts the hardest job ever of minute by minute reconstruction of a family.

With quitting Gymnastics, his household responsibilities have gone up. He is also allowed to play and play outside, but not able to go anywhere. I am not able to trust his behavior yet. And no kids inside. We are hoping to use priveleges as rewards as he improves his behavior. We do not believe in paying an allowance. A household has to work together and we do not get paid for this. We earn money by working outside of the home. We can learn to save our money through working in the home by making things ourselves and doing our own household maintenance.  If we lived on a farm or had a home based business, this would be different.  I could see sharing a pay scale if it was a money making venture.

Well, my reward came yesterday. We had a long day out with friends in my husband's hometown. I know it was not the most fun a kid could have, but my children did GREAT!.  I am so happy and so proud of them and their progress. I am going to reward them on Friday with some xbox time.

I know they will not be perfect. But I would like them to learn manners, respect for elders, and how to function in a family and run a home. I do not want to raise boys that are dependent on a woman. But that the girl they fall in love with will become a welcome partner in raising a family and running a household.  I want people to see the heart of my kids and enjoy their company.

Happy Monday to you, friend. May we have the energy to get through the week!